Placebo
by MiyakoHasegawa
Summary: My first crossover. More about Death Note than Chobits. Raito & Ryuuzaki. Unrequited love sort of theme and oh, one of them being a persocom because of that.


- My first crossover. I'm not actually writing about Chobits and its characters. Just taking the idea and applying it to DN. So, I don't know if it's really a crossover or not *confused*... I've been rewatching the early episodes of Chobits. I like Chii, kawaii ne~~

Anyways, it's about Raito (or Light) and Ryuuzaki here. If you're looking for _actions_, sorry to disappoint. Why M? Uh..there is a weird little section there. Overall, this is something like a walk through someone's actions to express the underlying feelings. Persocom manipulation. Mention of character death. Gibberish (in English! No, I kid). I mostly stay away from foul language, it's just not in me. Ready?

----

_**Placebo**_

-

"I'm home."

Silence greeted Raito when he returned in the evening, after finishing his tutorials in the university. Slipping off his shoes, he listened for the usual noises that were somehow absent today. He wasn't exactly looking for a warm welcome. That really depended on the mood of his companion. It could be random.

"Anyone home?"

Raito had moved out from the Yagami household when he started his second year. He wanted more private time. Besides, that created a perfect setting to be with his partner. He needed space, in all senses.

"Ryuuzaki?"

Strange, the man would usually be at the living room, typing away on his laptop, devouring his sweet food. The apartment was darkening from the shorter daylight in this cold weather. He could be sitting at any one of the corners, but his white sweatshirt should be easy to spot.. Raito switched on the fluorescent overhead lights as he went from room to room. He stopped outside the bathroom door. This was the only room unchecked.

He knocked softly and asked, "Ryuuzaki, are you okay?"

Raito didn't doubt the man's presence. He _knew_ he was here. He was told not to go outside unless he was accompanied by Raito. There was nowhere else he could be because Raito made it so. Not that he wanted to be anywhere else. His desires were of much less import than Raito's.

The door opened a moment after the toilet flushed. Ryuuzaki stared. "Raito-kun, you are home early."

"Yeah, good to see you too. Move, I need the bathroom." Raito shut the door behind him and leaned heavily on the wooden surface. He thought he would get used to it. After moving to the apartment, Ryuuzaki somehow always had this room smelling faintly of apples after he made use of it. Apple cider, to be precise. Probably from all those sweet food and his own special blend of enzymes. It ruined his appetite for the fruit, though the student was never too fond of it at the first place.

Raito freshened up at the sink, the cold water stinging his cheeks. He gazed into the mirror and closed his eyes immediately in distaste. He didn't look like himself anymore. He had been delegated as the head of the Kira investigation team, ever since the original leader was...persuaded to step down. He had been playing the roles of a model student, the best detective and the world's savior, all three concurrently. His reflection appeared haggard and frosty. No wonder Ryuuzaki stared.

No, Ryuuzaki didn't remember a thing about how Raito had replaced him. It was impossible for him to recall something Raito didn't tell him about. It was all very convenient.

With leaden feet, Raito dragged himself outside to where the other man was. Wasn't he glad to see him? Wasn't this what he had looked forward to everyday? Wasn't this part of the reason he had moved out? Dammit, he was looking for him just a moment ago. He looked everywhere. After finding him, the anticipation simply _disappeared_. Why? Deep down, he knew why.

Ryuuzaki was a persocom.

Raito found him working on the laptop at the sofa, their favorite makeout spot. The computer saw Raito and paused slightly, assessing his master's mood. He needed not analyse too much, for the student had circled behind him and wrapped his arms around his upper torso, their cheeks pressed side by side. Raito's breaths were shallow and calm.

"Raito-kun, do you not desire intercourse this evening?"

"Ryuuzaki, you're not supposed to ask me that."

"I apologize. This is not one of Raito-kun's regular patterns in the display of his moods. I felt inclined to seek for an answer."

"No, not today." _Maybe not ever._

As if aware of his internal musing, Ryuuzaki maneuvered his arm so that Raito's palm was placed directly on the fly of his blue jeans. That was something new. Raito did not teach him that. He chuckled as he unzipped the garment and dipped his hand inside. As expected, his touch was needed. He caressed the dormant flesh into full-blown hardness.

"Like it, Ryuuzaki?" The youth whispered as he watched the man spreading his bent legs and arching his neck, already panting incoherent words. "No, too early, this should be saved for a latter stage."

"Th-the presssure..Raito. Ahhh..and your fondling frequency..has increased...significantly..aaAHHH! Th-that will result.. in the exponential decrease..ngghh..of my endurance when..uhh.. hahh.. youuuu factor ..aaahh ..in these variables..nnnn.."

Raito laughed wholeheartedly. He knew how it worked but he loved to hear it verbalized nevertheless. The ingenious programming. He wrote it himself. It wasn't available on the market.

"How much longer?"

"If the rate remains constant, one minute and forty-two seconds." Ryuuzaki's dark eyes flashed briefly. He had learned to omit the really insignificant numbers. Raito had told him not to include them in daily conversations. So the milliseconds had to go. The calm and flat voice had activated and overrode the current mode when he was being asked a logical question pertaining to one of the formulas preset in him, no matter what his present task happened to be.

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki, don't stop moaning! You're killing the mood." The young man extracted the erect tissue through the open fly and released his fingers to admire the swollen penis. It looked pleasingly authentic. The shape, texture, coloring..almost an exact replication. It never ceased to amaze. The only missing features were its odor and taste. They were disturbingly absent. This machine could no way be compared to the real person. All of him, inside and out. _Ryuuzaki..._

"Would Raito-kun like to make love?"

The soft query cut sharply through Raito's memory-induced lust. He grew annoyed with the human shell next to him. How dare the machine interrupt his thoughts!

"Do I have to repeat myself?" The student did not want any intimacy this evening. Period.

"It is in my program to persuade, to raise suggestions. Raito-kun had specified these attributes after my initialization. Please remove the associated applications and files if they have become unnecessary."

The hard on there was unnecessary. _It_ should be removed first. Impatient to wait for the ten minutes prior to a switch to idle mode or finish the one-minute-and-forty-two-seconds' worth of fondling, Raito settled on a swifter way to make it disappear.

Both hands placed on the sitting man's shoulders, the student nibbled three times on the man's earlobe and murmured silkily, savoring each word, "Ryuuzaki.. come for me."

The persocom's obsidian eyes had bright lights flashing across, more prominently this time, before the quiet command was executed. His one foot clutched at the edge of the sofa while his other jean-clad leg was stretched at an angle, spreading wide, long toes curled. His hips and spine were arched upwards, as if suspended in midair by a phantom arm. Head thrown back, his spiky black tresses were tousled, deliciously wild. Both arms were pivot points to support his stimulated frame while his pelvis continued to thrust ardently, to buck against a section of empty air where Raito was supposed to be. These enticing displays were complimented by a mixture of throaty moans and breathless gasps, inaudible words and sexy nonsense. Broken phrases uttered during throes of passion.

Was a persocom actually capable of passion?

"..Rai-Raito.. nngh..it's happening..I'm.. ahhh.. AAHHhh.."

One. Two. Three. The creamy discharge erupted in milky bursts, divided into three equal portions. Ryuuzaki himself would have loved the flavor, if he were a real person. Vanilla. Uncomplicated, aromatic, sweet. Raito had made the selection.

"Would you like me to lick it clean, Raito?"

Since the liquid was an edible solution, it could attract ants and the likes. Besides, if left untreated, it would eventually clog the internal tubing. Raito really wasn't in any particular mood to witness the cleaning process, so he waved off the persocom.

"Do so in the bathroom. Go."

There were no disappointed pouts, no disgruntled protests. Only simple obedience, through absolute control. Wasn't that what he had wanted?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

The student had openly discussed many subjects with Ryuuzaki, including the fact that he was Kira. Under all circumstances, he would receive intelligent feedback, logical speculations, predictable criticisms. He was able to use the Death Note anywhere in the apartment. There was no need to hide it from a computer. He could delete the data from him whenever necessary, to erase any incriminating evidence.

Ryuuzaki's every gesture, every word, every response were handpicked by Raito and programmed in him. He built him. He knew him. He controlled him. But..did he love him?

_Loving a persocom?_

He did love Ryuuzaki, when the man was a real person. He loved his every gesture, every word and every response. But he denied it, as venomly as he refused to admit to being Kira. Even through the countless sexual acts they had engaged in, he never acknowledged his true feelings towards the detective. Ryuuzaki would deem it as outright deceit and could eventually fire up his Kira probability. It would hurt. And he could never show weakness before a worthy adversary.

It hurt more when that worthy someone was gone. Though he did not take direct actions, Raito was fully responsible. Ryuuzaki was dead. The detective's every gesture, every word and every response would forever disappear from the world if the young man didn't do something. Shattered with guilt and grief, he cradled the treasured memories and created an artificial imitation of the man, inputting painstaking details, to make it possible for the detective to live on.

It worked, just not in the way Raito had wanted.

Ryuuzaki had returned after his bathroom trip. His slouched frame shuffled slowly towards the abandoned laptop. He was already a computer, yet Raito had fondly chosen this output method for him, instead of the common cable connection to a monitor. Ryuuzaki was always typing away on the keyboard, eyes never leaving the screen while doing so. He could revert to data transfer through wireless network if the task was too time consuming for manual input. Only a handful of persocoms had this technology built-in. The majority had yet to upgrade. Ryuuzaki always had the best resources.

Ryuuzaki. Laptop. Desserts.

Yes, desserts. Ryuuzaki was always eating an assortment of cakes and sweets. Even when it became unnecessary for food consumption, Raito had designed it so for Ryuuzaki to be able to ingest the desserts and dispose of the unneeded food later. That was the source of the fruity odor in the bathroom. The enzymes had compacted the undigested mass to make it easier for removal. Ryuuzaki wouldn't be Ryuuzaki without his desserts.

"Come here, Ryuuzaki. Sit." The said man followed the request without question, hopping on the sofa and perching there in standby mode.

Raito had made tea while the man was away. He had also bought a box of doughnuts before he came home. It was placed on the coffee table before he was searching through the quiet apartment for Ryuuzaki.

"Well? Drink your tea. The doughnuts are for you."

"As much as I would like to, I am unable to comply, Raito-kun." Those black eyes looked apologetic.

"What's the matter?"

"The internal lining of my trash bin has deteriorated. It is to Raito-kun's best interest to purchase an upgraded version of a silicone type. Its advantages should be obvious."

That was like having ulcers. Ryuuzaki should not be eating or drinking before the parts replacement had taken place. That explained his prolonged stay at the bathroom when Raito was calling for him. He had been programmed to carry out regular diagnosis and self repair. He was also told not to mention details to him unless it was something critical. Raito was painfully reminded that it was a machine before him, not Ryuuzaki.

"Go online and search for one. I don't care how much it costs. I want the best for you."

"Thank you, Raito-kun."

_I want the best for you._ What a big fat shameless lie. Was Ryuuzaki being dead the best for the man? So that he wouldn't be forced to take action against Kira, have him prosecuted, thus executing his love as well? Maybe it was the best way to preserve his own love for the detective. If Ryuuzaki never found out, he could not twist it into something less beautiful and it would be possible for Raito to continue loving him. Did Ryuuzaki love him in return? He never had a chance to find out. He would never know.

Ryuuzaki was a special somone for him, his only one. This persocom was not.

Raito knew it the first time he laid eyes on him. He could match him in every way. Their neverending interesting interactions. The persocom...he could match him if only he allowed himself to be matched. It was all a matter of programming, though he could learn things on his own. But only things that pleased Raito. Like that seductive move to place his hand on the fly of his jeans.

_So shallow. Love should be more complex than that, should it not?_

Unfortunately, there was no formula for love. Human to human, they clicked, just like that. Human to persocom, it really depended entirely on the human to spread the love between both. It took more efforts, more discouraging in a way. It was always a one-sided fantasy. Persocoms were not capable of love, were they? Even if they were, the emotion was not real. It was the creation of their owner. Bytes and codes. They were merely empty shells pending for commands.

Raito had had a taste of manipulating Ryuuzaki before and after. The 'before' was much more satisfying than the 'after'. Before, Ryuuzaki was consciously aware and he had feelings and he could most definitely respond in a way that only he could, on his own. After, Raito was limited to the random loops of appropriate responses displayed according to different external input. Mechanical. Repetitive.

It was still Ryuuzaki.

The dull ache that had manifested and made a home in Raito since Ryuuzaki's demise had started to throb. It was always on the edge of consciousness. Sometimes it would be a headache, or a heartache, or an ache much lower that found temporary relief through the current Ryuuzaki.

Having Ryuuzaki with him reminded him of what he did. It was a necessary sacrifice. If it was such a torment to have him around, would it not make logical sense to be alone, once and for all? Not so. He could find no equals to fulfill the uniqueness that was Ryuuzaki. His love continued on, a neverending source that needed an outlet to maintain a calm equilibrium. Otherwise, he would go mad.

There would be no judgment tonight. Raito had the names taken care of in advance. The Death Note could rest this evening. He needed Ryuuzaki.

Stumbling blindly, the student almost tripped on the coffee table on his way to reaching the other man. A placebo. Even when they were held in a suffocating embrace, he continued missing Ryuuzaki. He had tried to trick his mind, to persuade himself that this was the same person. Ryuuzaki remained silent, adhering to a rule set in him. Do not offer solace unless being asked. Raito was always too proud to ask before. Bitter tears stung his eyes and still he did not ask. The persocom was faithfully emotionless.

Collecting himself, the suddenly vulnerable young man wanted to hear a lie, a phrase that should taste sweet and make everything better. Words that regrettably did not come from the original Ryuuzaki. Meaning of which was meaningless to both speakers.

To have the appropriate response, he had to input accordingly.

"I love you, Ryuuzaki."

"I love you too, Raito-kun."

It didn't make anything better, and it never would.

.

.

_- end -_

----

Note: I had a funny feeling while writing this piece, no, not funny as in humorous but.. you know what I mean. Why all those details about how Ryuuzaki functions but so little on Raito himself? Well, isn't it obvious? (Feel free to discuss though.) Like it? Not? Let me hear your thoughts.

(edited Nov 7 & 8, 2009) Corrected a few errors and revised some small parts. The story flows better this way.


End file.
